Recently my husband and I duked it out in the bedroom. For hours we plummeted the pillows into some semblance of comfort, tugged mercilessly at the comforter, and cursed every coiled spring in our mattress! I even took out the body pillows we use when one of us is sick and needs some added cuddle. Those got repositioned every-which-way, then one got tossed to the floor, ‘they’re useless’!
To make matters worse insomnia seems to amplify every single sound. The faucet doing chinese torture on the aluminum sink, one freaking drop at a time! The car outside that just had to clear its pipes as the alarm blared to kingdom come. The late dog walker with a mutt that can’t tell night from day, barking at any license plate! The kids someone forgot to give a curfew. The couple that walked and yelled at each other in a synchronized rhythm. The ambulance picking up the twilighting, elderly woman hollering at the top of her voice her preference of hospitals. The cars that continuously kept hitting the pot hole our tax-payer money won’t fix! The old wood floors that believe themselves to be nightingale Japanese versions creaking at the slightest breath. The fridge humming away white noise on a clocked schedule. The door slamming of a disgruntled being shaking all the others in proximity…
At one point my husband staring at the ceiling and speaking to no one in particular states, ‘we are going Swiss’. I’m in the middle of getting back into bed after the umpteenth trip to the bathroom.
I stop, ‘I beg your pardon’?
‘We are going Swiss’. And what’s that suppose to mean, I ask myself ready to do another round with my pillow.
‘We are going Swiss tomorrow’. Ah, we’re qualifying the statement, he’s making progress. I pull at the comforter, the damn thing is king size- when did it shrink?
‘Yep, we are going Swiss tomorrow, if it’s the last thing I do’! We’re getting there, give him some room.
‘Yep, we’re going Swiss tomorrow, if it’s the last thing I do. I’m calling that Tempr Pedic company and ordering a “memory” mattress’!
I stare up at the ceiling. Eureka! Alhamdullilah! My husband has discovered America- Christopher Columbus would be proud…I settle in the comforting knowledge that relief is on the way.
‘Yes dear’. It only took you a quarter of century and a farewell to a millennium to come to your senses!
Morpheus, I’m here awaiting your arms… ah… blissful sleep with a knowing smile of having won the battle…
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